When I found out I was pregnant with Carter I did what every woman (that I have talked to about this sort of thing) who finds out she is pregnant while she is raising a one year old does. I sat on the toilet and cried. It was a mixture of happy and OMG tears. I thought about the fact we didn't have health insurance, that I hadn't gotten my pre Morgan body back, the exhaustion that comes with a newborn, the gestational diabetes, the morning sickness and the daughter I love so much and how could I possibly love another child like that. And would she be a jealous sister, this one I thought would be a definite yes. After thinking about all of this for about 10 minutes (while crying) I stood up and brushed my hair, washed my face and put on a smile. I had to call Roy. He was so excited. This baby was his idea.
I will admit that it took me a while longer than I think it should have to get excited. I didn't really get excited until I found out I was having a boy. Yes. Around my 20th week. The reason I didn't get excited was because I was too busy feeling guilty. About Morgan's feelings.
And then Carter was born. Roy brought Morgan to the hospital and everything was good. There wasn't any jealousy to speak of. Until Carter started becoming mobile. In the time that we have lived here I have walked in on some happenings that would make any parent wonder how their baby is still laying on the floor laughing and not screaming his head off. She has (to name a few) tipped his walker over (yes, he was in it), lifted (more like threw) him on to the stairs and watched him fall (luckily she could only get him to the second step), and rolled him on to his back so she could jump off of him. During each one of these Carter has laughed the whole time. Not just a giggle either. A deep belly laugh.
So the other day I knew something pretty bad happened when I heard him crying. Carter pulls himself up on the TV stand all the time. We move him away and he goes back and we move him away. This goes on for a while. I heard Morgan yell "No Carter", a thump, and a scream. A loud crying scream. I went out to the living room and asked what happened. Morgan told me "I told him no, because he was getting the TV, and I will get mad, and then I hit his head" I said "You hit his head?" She said "Yes. Because I was gonna be mad". I looked at his face and he had a big red mark from his face hitting the TV stand. She was put in time out.
Earlier in the day Carter learned to spit, and his face was covered in spit. Morgan freaked out yelling at me to wash his face so he didn't get a rash.
I love that she is so concerned with him getting a rash, but he had better not get near the TV or she will get mad.
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