What's Up With Me

I started this blog for a few reasons. It is a way to share pictures of the kids with my family that I don't (and do) get to see very often. It is a way to tell my family what I am up to with the kids without having to talk to them (not that I don't want to talk to them and I actually do talk to my Mom almost every day and work with my Dad now, yes I got a job). I needed something to do. It sounded fun. And it is fun. But lately things have been so hectic that even though I could blog everyday, I don't. I didn't blog about Father's day, I didn't tell my Mom happy Birthday, I didn't blog about getting a part time job and I haven't blogged about what is going on with Roy's job. Or his lack of a job. He hasn't actually lost his job, but there is no work for him right now.

That last sentence right there is why I haven't blogged. I am stressed out and scared. Roy is a finish carpenter who works mostly on high end custom homes. And he is damn good at it. You can give the guy a piece of wood and describe what you want him to do with it and he will build you the most beautiful-whatever-you-want you have ever seen. But right now, as everyone is aware, the economy is so bad people aren't having there houses remodeled. And we are screwed. He has worked about 40 hours in the last month and a half. I started working part time for my Dad, but it isn't enough to pay our bills. If Roy was working then the money I make would make it possible for us to go to dinner every once in a while or a movie or whatever. You get the idea, I am not making a lot of money.

But the thing is, this isn't the first time we have gone through this. In 2007, when the economy started to get bad Roy lost his job. And we had to move in with my parents. and then everything was looking up for us and we moved into our town home that we live in right now. And I love my house. It is the perfect amount of room for us, we have a play room, the kids have their own rooms, we have a big (community) yard to play in, a pool and tennis courts. There is a trail close by we go for walks on. Everything is convenient to get to. And now I am scared we are going to have to leave it because we can't afford it.

All of this is causing so much stress for both of us that I am freaking out. I am trying to keep a happy face for the kids (and I don't want Roy to feel worse than he does, since this is not his fault), but it is hard. I have been laughing and playing and doing crafts with the kids but all I really want to do is sit in a corner and cry. I keep asking myself "Is this going to happen to us every two years?" "Can I get a job full time and if I do would it pay enough to make it worth the cost of day care when Roy gets a job?" "How much would it cost for us to run away to Mexico?".
Sadly, the answers are Yes, this probably will happen to us every couple of years. No, me getting a full time job would not make enough money to make it worth missing out on watching my kids grow up once Roy gets another job (which is why I am a sahm) but would help right now so I really don't know the answer to that one. And we can't even afford to go to the Zoo for free let alone run away to Mexico.

So I am going to keep looking for a job for Roy (or me) and smiling and playing with the kids and accept the idea of moving in to an apartment. I will write an update post about all of the happier stuff going on around here soon. Maybe tomorrow.